To begin, the word “prostitute” is loaded with meaning, both covert and quite obvious to the seeing eye. Merriam’s dictionary itself, defines the word in a way that discriminates towards a woman’s being sexual referring to it as “promiscuous”, while normalizing the male sexuality simply stating, “a male who engages in…” They even go so far as to note the term “WHORE” in big red letters under the female directed definition. Interesting right?? What society never considers upon usage of this negatively charged word, which is more or less relegated to women, not men, is this second unapparent definition. With all things considered, who among us can say they have never been a prostitute? Are we not all guilty of debasing our true talents at some point in our lives for immediate, or what we believe to be longterm gains? Have we all not been hungry for power and privilege in our quests for greatness, or simply to survive? Who among us can honestly say they never sold themselves short? Be real…we all have.
This is both the story and journey of a ‘said girl’, now a woman, who admittedly prostituted herself in all forms of the word to survive. You see, a story is a mere account of the facts, as perceived by the story teller. The journey, on the other hand, is something distinct and far more significant. A journey is not defined as a trip from point A to point B. Rather, a journey is a culmination of all your stops along the way, all the people who stood out, all the ones who didn’t…sweet remembrances, things you’d rather forget…all your hardships/obstacles, every deliverance from evil/strife…what you take away when it’s over…ALL OF IT.
I always knew there was some force standing between my writing and I, something so powerful which meant for me to remain disconnected from my truth, my story. I realize now I was not emotionally ready, nor in a space in my life to confront the story, to confront myself. Knowing this it was impossible to share the incredible journey that has been my life with the rest of the world. Until we face ourselves, we are only able to confront the world with the many masks we adorn to hide, conform, appease, manipulate and maneuver, in a society fashioned to create and celebrate clones, robots, unintelligent, fear-ridden and driven humans. Divine beings removed from their true spirits, instead in competitive fashion, all the while existing under a veil of illusion. Unity is misplaced. Separation is their truth. Love is forgotten, distorted, and misused. I was not ready to expose myself to this world. I was not ready to expose myself to myself.
Today, as I feel the ecstatic impulse of divine energy flowing through me, I fear not what they will think. I fear not the response, the love or the outrage. It is time to share my story, not because I hope to ‘help’ anyone. What is it we have in the way of help to another, that individual does not already harbor within themselves? I wish to share my story without the motivations of ego or fear. If in the future my story reaches the recesses of one heart, then my unveiling was worth the exposure. If my exposure in turn breaks a heart, then it too was necessary. A broken heart forces a level of analysis and evaluation of self, while also facilitating the growth of an individual’s compassion towards life in the future. Sometimes it is a necessary for optimal evolution and healing. The world is full of broken hearts; that’s it, nothing more, nothing less. Deepak Chopra says, “Negativity is born in the gaps where love has been excluded.” Funny, how we never really consider this, amidst our never-ending judgment and analyses, i.e. negativity at it’s best. I accept myself for who I am, where I am, as well as who and where I have been. I accept the world as it is, while envisioning it with love and compassion, hoping I am received with the same.
Here, I will elaborate further, on the intersection of certain events/situations/people with values/perspectives I embody today. Through this complex and unique lens, I will also address related issues of the utmost personal and close to my heart in the world today. This blog in itself is a journey for me, a pivotal changing point in my life I both want to share and draw strength from. I believe it is necessary to be transparent in the world, with the world, so they may better understand the views/perspectives of one’s occupied space amongst society.
There are a lot of amazing people doing super amazing things in the world, as well as not so amazing ones, doing not so amazing things. Being honest with one’s self is a feat on its on, but showing your face to the world is a transformation so many people have yet to undertake. How do we affect any level of real change in society that does not begin with self, a real holding up of the mirror saying, “Hey you, yea you!” Further, I think if we better understood one another’s personal histories, we could more effectively build a bridge of both understanding and reconciliation between all the groups who have separated themselves behind indifference, intolerance, judgment, exclusion and misunderstanding. My goal is nothing more than to be of service in helping to facilitate such a bridge. Simple humanity from a feminist who realizes “humanism” is not enough, when all humans do not share the same access and equal rights, especially in terms of gender, race and class.